Even though no one around me can hear the chaos, I hear it inside my head. My inability to concentrate in this way could also be auditory-related.
I’ll have to watch it later online, most likely two or three times. Not only did I miss the small details of the sermon, but I also totally missed the broader message. I can tell you who spoke that day, but I can’t tell you what he spoke about.
I can’t even remember what I was thinking about, I just know that my mind was wandering enough that I didn’t catch the sermon. Just the other day at church I caught myself not paying attention my mind was in a completely different place. Sometimes, though, even grasping the big picture is troublesome for me. I have trouble remembering details when reading, listening, or watching something, though I can generally talk about the main point or plot. I regularly find myself rewinding and replaying parts of shows and movies, often having to re-watch the same piece three or four times before I catch on to what is said or done. The inability to concentrate is pretty much constant for me. It’s just necessary to take care of myself before I become overly anxious and irritable, which can very easily lead to an agitation-filled hypomanic episode for me. Most of the important people in my life already know this about me and realize that I’m not intentionally being rude. I am becoming much more kind to myself when this happens rather than allowing myself to feel guilty about literally walking away from people, I’m beginning to accept that it is just how my brain operates at times and that it isn’t my fault. Sometimes it becomes overwhelming and I must escape the chaos. I simply cannot concentrate on anything at all when there is too much happening at once. It’s hard enough for me to remain focused on just one thing, at any given time. The most prevalent form of sensory sensitivity that I experience is “auditory overload.”įor me, auditory sensitivity and lack of concentration go hand-in-hand. Many of us with bipolar disorder deal with hypersensitivity, in one form or another. If you can quickly become overwhelmed when there is too much noise, it’s OK to allow yourself to escape the chaos without feeling guilty about it.
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